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:icongreenleo94: More from greenleo94


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Submitted on
February 2, 2012
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we used to walk that path
trotting on torn-up dirt clods
and foxtail weeds
tripping and falling
our feet catching on tire tracks
and disturbing dandelion seeds
that burrowed in your hair like
fairy dust and glass beads

the scent of old hay
twisted high in the air
heat curling languidly
wrapping around our sun-stroked bodies
but you smelled like carrots and leather
like windblown summer air
sweet and homey entirely unique

the bridge of my nose
found a quiet place nestled along
that cervical curve of flesh
smooth as swan feathers
"Hello" I'd whisper
lips retracting against teeth
because I couldn't help but smile
Memories of a certain special someone. :)

Not intended to be a horse, but as someone pointed out to me, it could work either way. ;P

:iconthewrittenrevolution:

[link]

Questions for Critique:

1. Any words you would replace? Cliches?

2. How does it flow?

3. I don't write happy things very often. Is the feeling you get from reading this powerful?

4. Anything else you'd like to add? :D
Add a Comment:
 
:iconxserenax:
xSerenax Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Just like to make a #4 note.. this paints a picture that can bring back memories to anybody.
Reply
:icongreenleo94:
greenleo94 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It certainly does. :)
Reply
:icondewychewy:
DewyChewy Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2013
i like it! makes me want to read more of your poems :)
Reply
:icongreenleo94:
greenleo94 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :D
Reply
:icondovethunder:
DoveThunder Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012
Beautiful imagery! You're right, this fits perfectly as a horse except possibly the last stanza.
Reply
:icongreenleo94:
greenleo94 Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :D

For the comment and the fav! :heart:
Reply
:icondovethunder:
DoveThunder Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2012
You're welcome! :)
Reply
:iconnekomarik:
NekoMarik Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:rose::orange::butterfly: This has been featured here: [link] :rose::orange::butterfly:
Reply
:icongreenleo94:
greenleo94 Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :D
Reply
:iconequinox27:
Equinox27 Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2012   Writer
The imagery is fantastic! I would spell "homy" as "homey" but that's just my personal preference. The happiness of the piece is refreshing; I don't read too much cheerful poetry either!
Reply
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