literature

the day we died

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Daily Deviation

Daily Deviation

January 31, 2013
the day we died by ~greenleo94 positively demands a re-read or two or three, the suggester writes.
Featured by Nichrysalis
Suggested by LadyofGaerdon
greenleo94's avatar
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Published:
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Literature Text

It started when space imploded
you pulled me back, landed me on the moon,
so we could sit in the vacuum silence
and watch suns spiral down to hell.

You radiated, my minuscule flare,
your worn heat baked my bones brittle,
but it somehow made me stronger.

-

It ended when your eyes slid lateral,
fractured feelings leaking out in tears;
it was the first and last thing
I ever saw again.

This ridiculous happenstance,
simple in its impossibility,
was what broke us apart:

While solar light is beautiful,
it blinds when reflected by
automobile metal.
EDIT:

Thank you so much for all the wonderful comments and favs! :D I love you guys so much. You all made my day. I'll try to respond to each of you, but if I can't, thank you again! :heart:

----

I love twists and telling creepy little stories. Perhaps, for a poet, that isn't such a bad thing? :)

:iconthewrittenrevolution:

[link]

Questions for Critique:

1. Does the time relationship make sense? If not, how could I change it while still maintaining the feel of the poem?

2. What do you get from this poem?

3. Anything else you feel like adding? :)
© 2011 - 2024 greenleo94
Comments103
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TheLawOfZeroDivision's avatar
OH MY GOD! THAT WAS JUST SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL! I'M IN TEARS. THAT LAST PART GOT ME! :iconmanlytearsplz: